When I was young the picture people saw of me was one of fun and eagerness;
projecting the energy of delightful enjoyment of life.
But on the inside I fought a war of ennui and melancholy;
battling the apathy of detachment from everyone and everything.
I have won the war.
The inside and outside are more in tune.
There are no longer great soaring highs or deep bottomless lows.
There are the occasional skirmishes,
times of melancholy and the wish to disengage but they are rare.
If someone were to paint a picture of me today,
it would have mostly soft quiet hues with some strokes of bold color.
Still, overall, there would be a subtle wash of blue.
I am who I am.
I have found a gentle determined peace within.