“The greater part of our happiness or misery
depends on our dispositions and not our circumstances.”
Martha Washington
I have a friend who is never happy. I cannot think of a time I have heard her laugh. Of course, she has had bad things happen to her, we all have. And she has been badly hurt by people she loved. It saddens me to see her spend her life being bitter about the past and allowing it to control the present with no hope for the future. I can understand how she feels. I have been where she is. I know it can be different.
There were times in my life that were pretty awful and I was miserable. What made me wretched and sad was how I processed what was happening in my life. I saw only the difficulties, the troubles and struggles. I didn’t see anything good. I was unwilling to accept help or advice. I became comfortable in my misery. It was easier to accept the misery than to do the work needed to see what was real and what was imagined.
Some of my reality was ugly but not all of it. I just focused on the ugly. My imagination worked overtime on the negatives and gave little thought to the positives. It took time and energy and hard work to learn to think rationally, to see my circumstances clearly and take resposibility for my mistakes and stop blaming myself for things I couldn’t control. Change was really hard. The anger and tears, denial and acceptance, lies and truth, to learn to live with what couldn’t be changed and change what could be, to forgive and be forgiven, all had to happen to begin again and to live a good and happy life.
Life is good if you don’t weaken… and don’t give up!
Patricia's Place 
I love to love and be around happiness. I don’t want to feel pain in order to realize how blessed I am.
I hope your friend gets it before it’s to late💗
One of my oldest friends doesn’t talk to me anymore after I suggested when we were together to try to look at the good, something she refuses to do. She’s determined in her 7th decade to be miserable till she takes mortal flight. Makes me really sad, however, we have a choice always how to live and acceptance is the first step to change the things we can, to quote the Serenity Prayer. I could wallow every day over my hearing loss that has so compromised me, especially in the way I’m treated, but I live in gratitude as much as possible. It’s a honed skill, I know, but it can be done.
I’ve heard it said…wounds are where the light gets in. I believe that. A lovely, inspirational essay. Susannah
Thanks, Susannah.” wounds are where the light gets in” I like the image those words bring to mind. Friendship is a blessing but sometimes a difficult one. We have to know when to let go. There are times I just have to put time and space between my friend and me or I might say something hurtful and she is not one to forgive a hurt…ever.
I paraphrased. It’s…The wound…The Place Where The Light Enters You…the Poet Rumi
Thanks. I am going to look up the poem.
That’s a nice idea.
You’re wiser than I am since, my remark chased her away fueling her unrest and anger. I don’t want to be that bitter when I’m 75, but who knows. sigh
You won’t be bitter! You have a good heart.😻
That’s true. Her heart is much harder to open I’m afraid to say. Mine has no hinges on it, it swings all day long. Kind of you to notice that about me. 🙂
We’ve all had some bumps along the way, it’s how we let them rule us or not. I chose not to allow the negative to win. I’m a very happy person now. I hope your friend can come to terms with her past in a positive way.
I linked this post to Awww Mondays.
Have a fabulous day and week. ♥
We are so blessed to have choice, no matter what.
There are hard times and things that hurt in everyone’s life but we do have choices in how we respond. I try to be encouraging but sometimes I have to back off so I don’t say something in anger or frustration.
Amen to that, Patricia. ♥
I’ve some rough times, myself, and the only way I got through it was to remain positive. I feel one has to make the effort to help themselves first.
It does take effort to live a good life and be happy. In my view, the easy way out is to just let yourself be miserable. But what a waste of life.
This is true. Although it’s hard to make that person realize it. Unless they wake up themselves.
My friend doesn’t think she has a negative attitude she says she is a realist unlike me who lives in a fantasy world. I guess it’s all in the perspective one has.
It is indeed. Some people cannot get out of their way of thinking.