Posted in Kindness Challenge, reflections, whatever!

Self-Compassion, reflection…

Kindness Challenge Week 2
Self-Compassion
Reflection

This week we were to pay attention to the way you treat yourself and the things you say to yourself both spoken and unspoken. Notice what your default reaction is when you struggle, make a mistake, or fall short.  Write down the words you say, the phrases that cross your mind, the way you react, and how you respond to yourself.” (Niki)

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Well, this was an eye-opening week for me and I am going to be very open and transparent here and tell you like it is. Some of it is sad but it has a happy ending so read on to the end.

The word I say most often to myself is stupid. When I make a mistake I say stupid. When I forget or misplace something I say stupid.  Really, stupid? What’s with that? The word makes me feel bad about myself even though I know it isn’t true. It makes me angry.

There is a phrase I use a lot, you will never…get over what happened, forget the embarrassment of, feel well, be rested, start or finish a project, learn something new, catch up with the blogs you follow…the list goes on. Of course, the negatives are self-defeating. Why do I think like this? Did I always have this mindset? Where did it come from? The phrase makes me angry with myself and depresses me.

“We all have a tape that plays in our heads, but at some point, the voice on that tape came from somewhere outside of us. I want to gently encourage you to identify the inner voice that challenges you the most. How far back does this tape go? Where did that voice originate from? Is that tape helpful? At some point, that voice stops coming from someone else and continues to speak as our own inner voice. How much of what you say today is attributed to that voice?” (Niki)

I know where the word and phrase come from…my childhood. Whenever I would want to do something new or have a plan or dream I would share I was told not to be stupid, you can’t, people will laugh at you, you don’t know how to, they won’t let you, you will never do that. I know that many ideas and dreams when young are part of exploring the world and your part in it and many will not happen but thinking and dreaming should be talked about and encouraged.

We are asked,How would you treat a loved one in that situation?” (Niki) First, I would listen carefully.  I would ask questions to see where these thoughts are coming from, why they are so strong and invasive. I would try to help them know the truth and encourage them to see the reality, not the lies. That’s what I am trying to do for myself.

How will I move on and be compassionate with myself? When stupid is my response to a thought or action I will tell myself the truth, I am smart and talented. When I tell myself you will never…I will ask myself, why not? Do you want this, who is stopping you, is what other people think so important that it negates what you think?  I will tell myself you can if you want to and I will learn to be open with trusted friends and ask for help when I need it.
                                                            I can and I will!

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Posted in Kindness Challenge, reflections, whatever!

Self-Love, reflection…

Kindness Challenge Week 1
Self-Love
Reflection

I think we all struggle to some extent with self-love.  I think we are often taught that loving yourself is not a good thing and that loving yourself is thinking you are better than others.  True self-love is not an ego trip. It is simply allowing yourself to be who you are, accepting all the bits and pieces that make you real.

I did not have much in the way of self-love as a child and young woman. I was raised not to make waves, to be quiet and keep what I thought and my opinions to myself. I really didn’t allow myself to be me. I did whatever I could to be like everyone else, to fit in. When I realized I wasn’t ever going to be like everyone else there was some serious rebellion that happened. That didn’t work either.  I was miserable.

I didn’t like myself. I certainly didn’t love myself. What I did know was that things had to change. It took time, a lot of work and tears…and a good bit of laughter. I learned that I am a little different in some ways and a lot different in others and it’s okay. I am not worthless. I am a good person.

This week while pondering self-love I realized I still have times when I really don’t love myself. Those are the days when I tell myself lies about myself. I tell myself I am stupid, ugly, have no talent, no friends, no one cares about me…all lies! This kind of thinking doesn’t happen often and when it does it is usually when I am not feeling well and dealing with chronic issues that are troublesome and tiring. Of course, this is when self-love is most needed and is most often denied.

I didn’t think I had a mantra but while pondering self-love I realized I do have one. When I start telling myself lies about myself I look in the mirror and say;

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You are who you are and that is something to celebrate.
The little part of the world you inhabit needs you.
Go be who you are and do what only you can do.
That is why You are here.

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Posted in Kindness Challenge, whatever!

Kindness Challenge, intention…

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Niki at The Richness of a Simple Life has her Kindness Challenge for 2017 up and ready to go. For seven weeks there will be a kindness challenge for the week. Niki will give a prompt and some thoughts to help get us thinking.  The first three weeks the prompts will be with the inward focus of self-kindness and the following four will be outward, focusing on others and how we relate to them with kindness.

My intention in doing this challenge is simply to be more aware of the where, what, when, why, who, and how of kindness in my life.  I know I am not unkind but I am often unthoughtful or absent to the kindness needed around me.  I sometimes allow busyness or laziness to excuse my inattention of those around me. They may be friends or acquaintances who would benefit from kind attention from me or perhaps there is someone I don’t know personally but know of who needs kindness shared with them.

I participated in last year’s Kindness Challenge and it was something of a challenge…I wasn’t always comfortable with what I was being made aware of but it was worth a little discomfort to be given some insight to who I am and how to become a better me.

See you later in the week with my response to the first week’s prompt…Self-love.

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Posted in Kindness Challenge, Tuesday Chatter, Uncategorized

Chatting about kindness…

The Kindness Challenge Week 6 focus:
Think about who inspires you to be kinder?
This is my Tuesday Chatter, too.

There are many in my life who are kind but there are three women who truly inspire me
to be kinder because they are examples of kindness in action.
I have seen and heard of their loving kindness in action countless times.
Often I am the recipient of their love and kindness.
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These women have servant’s hearts.
They see a need and they do what they can to meet it.
When asked for help they are ready and willing to give in any way they can.
Most often they help without being asked.
They just show up when and where there is a need.
They serve people they know well and people who are strangers.

Each one of these women came into my life at a different time.
They came with gifts to share; gifts I needed at that time.
They inspire me to become more of a servant, more loving, and kinder.
To have one such friend is a blessing to have three is a miracle of blessings!

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Posted in gratitude, Kindness Challenge, Uncategorized

Focus on gratitude…

My Tuesday Chatter this week is also my thoughts on  The Kindness Challenge Week 5
Our focus this week was gratitude.
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Several years ago I began focusing on gratitude in my daily life. I determined that I would be thankful every day. Believe me, when I say that some days it was hard to be thankful. And still there are days I feel less than thankful. But I have learned to take some time throughout the day to really think about what is happening in my little bit of the world, perhaps for just a minute or two then the day goes on as it will. That minute or two can be what keeps me from losing my temper, being frustrated, feeling depressed or sad, seeing only the negative and not recognizing the blessings that are all around me.

My daily mantra is Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it”. It is part of my morning prayers every morning. Some days I don’t feel like rejoicing and I am not glad but I pray it anyway. Before I go to bed I pray again thankful that I had another day and there is always something in the day that gave me joy.  Admittedly, some nights I have to search for that one thing but joy is there. Always.

You may think this week’s challenge was not challenging for me but it was.  So often I take for granted the kindness and goodness of those around me.  Sadly, sometimes I just don’t notice it.  There is lots of room for improvement in this woman and I am working on it.

Click on the links above to read about the Kindness Challenge and Tuesday Chatter.

 

Posted in Kindness Challenge, Uncategorized

Being kind…

Kindness Challenge Week 4-Be Kind

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This week we were challenged to be kind. You would think being kind wouldn’t be a challenge but if you think about it sometimes it is. It takes thought,time and effort to extend kindness.

One of the kind things I do is take food to folks in my building.  I am not much for fixing a meal and having people over but when I cook  or bake there is always more than enough to share so I take some to a neighbor. They don’t have to be elderly, sick, out of work or needy in some way I just randomly share. Mostly it’s with people I know but if I hear of someone I don’t know who needs help I will take them something. This is something I do on a regular basis.

I occasionally leave flowers at someone’s door with a note. I often don’t sign the note with the flowers, just leave them anonymously. This can be tricky. Seems some people are suspicious if they get flowers for no reason and don’t know who they are from and don’t like it.

As for things it seems I don’t do often I have worked on a couple this week.  One thing is taking for granted when someone does their job.  I do this a lot.  This week I tried my best to remember to say please and thank you.  Really we don’t hear those words enough in the workplace and I am one who is guilty of forgetting them.

I also tend not to call customer service people by their name or engage them in any conversation. I have shopped at the same grocery store for years and have never said more than hello, yes, no, thank you and bye to any of the cashiers.  Weird when I think about it. I am trying to do better and did talk to Samantha for a minute the other day.

So, there you are. At home, I do okay but I guess I tend to be a bit unconscious when out and about. Going to have to work on it.

revofkindness
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