life · past · present · whatever!

Monday musings…

Contentment is accepting the world
as an imperfect place.
Anonymous

I wasn’t always content, far from it. There was more to my discontent than the usual stuff of being a teenager, and it got worse with time. As a young woman and into middle age, I was unhappy most of the time. It just became the norm for me.

Somewhere around 50 years, I got tired of the life I was living. I decided to make some changes, but I didn’t know quite what they would be. So, for a time, I went to a psychologist. Best thing I ever did!

I learned a lot about myself and how I looked at life and living. The biggest thing I learned was how often I said or thought, “I should.” Why did I think “I should” do something or be something, feel or want to be different in some way? I was always trying to be who or what I thought others expected or wanted me to be. The whole experience of being in counseling was eye-opening. It was difficult, and it hurt. There were lots of tears. Oh, and there was laughter, too. I’m a pretty funny person. I thought that was a bad thing. There wasn’t a lot of laughter in our house when I was growing up.

Anyway, when I came to my 50th birthday, I decided I would be who I am. I would just be me, whoever and whatever that was. I likened it to being a butterfly. I was leaving the cocoon and would be the real me. Another best thing I ever did!

Do you know what I found out when I left the cocoon? I am a curious, daydreaming, intelligent introvert with a good sense of humor. Some people like me, some don’t, and that’s okay.

The most important lesson I learned is that I don’t have to be what others want me to be or who they think I ought to be. I am who I am, the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly. Deal with it or go and bother somebody else with your idealistic nonsense.

Oh, by the way on my 50th birthday, I got a tattoo.
It’s a butterfly just out of the cocoon and beginning to fly.

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