Reena’s Exploration Challenge Week 11

* Think of a situation that changed your life.
* Create a metaphor out of it
* Visualize the metaphor and write uninhibited what you felt like
* How did you feel about it at that time
* How do you see that today? Has your perspective changed?

Forty years ago I was sitting in my living room thinking about suicide. Just pondering it. But it was an option. I was lost and didn’t know how to find my way. On the outside, it looked like all was well. But I was living in a frenzy of bad behaviors and rebellion.  I was cold, tired, sick, lonely, and very afraid. I felt that I was running fast but getting nowhere except deeper in the pit of despair.

As I sat there I realized I wanted to know the warmth of home.

I was surprised. I had left home before I was eighteen and though I saw my family often I  never wanted to go back to the house I grew up in. That got me to thinking about what home meant to me. What it should be like; warm and cozy with laughter and sharing of dreams, safe without being restrictive, a place where there is understanding and it’s okay to cry, a place where I could just be who I am.

That day forty years ago I realized home was not a place but a Who. That Who knew all about me and was waiting for me with love. That was the beginning of my journey home.  The journey has not been easy but it gets easier every day. Of course, there are times when I am tired and I let things become burdensome. That’s when I look back and see how far I have come and remember the lessons learned along the way. I might have a good cry but they are not tears of fear and frustration they are tears that cleanse and nourish my soul.  A lot has changed! I am well, content, strong, and no longer afraid. I am not alone anymore. I have found my home.