Reena’s Exploration Challenge, Week 8
This week Reena challenges us to look at confrontation
and how we handle it, what we do to resolve it and how it affects us.
On her blog, she has posted an excerpt from a conversation with
psychotherapist Barry Michell about a tool
to use when facing confrontation.
I am not a fan of confrontation and rarely initiate it but I do not run from it either. It helps if there is notice that there will be a difficult conversation so that emotions can be held in check and tempers don’t rule the meeting. Being blindsided by aggression is never easy. It takes patience and restraint under the best of circumstances to take the time to really listen to what is being said so that the problem is understood and can be resolved.
The paragraph below is from the conversation. There are two paragraphs before this one that set up the premise and it would help to read them for understanding. The link is here.
The first step of the tool is to scream silently to yourself, “Bring it on!” and move right into the cloud. Once you’re in it, you scream silently, “I love pain.” In this case “love” simply means I am one with this pain—I’m inside it. To get through something, you have to become one with it; then, and only then, can you let go of it. In the third and final step of the tool, the cloud spits you out; you find yourself soaring into a realm of pure light…and you say to yourself, “Pain sets me free.”
I can’t say I have used this approach. It seems counter-productive to me. I do think it is important to prepare yourself and accept that it may be unpleasant or painful and to acknowledge your feelings but I am not sure “pain sets you free.” I have had my share of painful confrontation and I can’t say I have ever “become one with it” before I let it go.
We all see and work through problems in different ways. That’s what often brings on confrontations. Maybe if we spent less time centered on self and more on others the confrontations would be less confrontational and more conversational, less aggressive with more accomplished.
Today I am chatting at Eugenia’s Tuesday Chatter Cafe about bags.
Did you know today is National Handbag Day? Maybe you knew but it was news to me. I have a love-hate relationship with handbags or in my world, purses. I love cute little wristlets and clutches but hate that you have to hold them in your hand and nothing much fits in them. I hate big tote bag kind of purses because they are well, big and get in the way but I love that they are big and you can carry everything you might possibly need and lots of room for stuff you might pick up while you are out and about.
I think men are finding they need bags. I see a lot of men carrying them. Of course, they don’t call them purses or totes. Used to be only businessman types had briefcases but now men, in general, have messenger bags, backpacks, and satchels.
Anyway, back to me. I have been trying to carry less stuff. Not working has helped because I always had a lot of stuff in my purse that I might need at work. Rarely needed most of it but when I did I was glad I did have whatever it was I needed. Sometimes, these days I go to the store with just my wallet, keys, and phone. But it kind of makes me anxious not having my purse and what I might need that is in it. That and I have to wear clothes with pockets and pockets only look good when they are empty, with stuff in them pockets look funny to me. Also, things fall out of pockets and not out of purses…unless you forget to snap or zip the purse and you drop it then you can lose things. Okay, enough chatter about this. See ya later.
Tonight I am joining Reena’s Exploration Challenge Week 7.
And it is a challenge!
Reena asks that we,
Take any one belief of yours that has ruled your life,
and examine it from the following aspects.
Then answer Byron Katies Four Questions.
So here goes!
The belief that has ruled my life for the last forty years is that there is God and He is the architect of my life. He designed me and the plan for my life.
Is it true? Yes, I believe it is true.
Can you absolutely know that it is true? In my heart, I believe it is absolutely true but in my mind, I sometimes wonder. I think this is part of being human and a work in progress.
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? When life is going along at a steady pace and without major mishaps or problems I am thankful but give little thought to what I believe to be true. Those times when life is not so easy when it is difficult and uncomfortable I find myself turning to the source of my belief and I become calm. I can move from the center of the difficulty or problem to the outside boundary and see it from a larger and more unprejudiced perspective. I can then think more clearly and honestly without exaggerations and fits of temper or self-centeredness.
Who would you be without that thought? I would be an anxiety-ridden, angry, self-pitying, self-centered, very sad woman. I can state this without hesitation because I didn’t always believe there was a plan for me and I was that miserable unhappy woman.
So there you have it!
Thanks, Reena, this was a great challenge.