“I shiver, thinking how easy it is to be
totally wrong about people;
to see only one tiny part of them and
confuse it for the whole.”
Lauren Oliver
So often we make judgments about people by the way they dress, how they talk, who their friends are, where they live, how they make their living, whether they are old or young. Without even talking with someone we make up our minds who they are and what kind of person they may be. I am not sure why that is. Probably has something to do with our own vulnerability and lack of self-confidence.
I get upset if I think someone is judging me for something they think they know about me. Some people seem to think I don’t have any problems because I don’t have children or aging parents to care for or because I am retired that I must have made a lot of money when I worked. There are those who think because I am quiet and an introvert that I must have been a sweet well-behaved child/teen/young adult who never rebelled or caused any worries or problems for my family. None of that is true. I have problems, I don’t have a lot of money, I was a rebellious person. Well, I am still something of a rebel albeit in a quiet non-disruptive way.
Because I do get upset with others because of what I think they are thinking about me I try to see others as just people. Not good or bad, better or worse than me, just people like me living each day as it comes. Some days I am successful in being non-judgmental some days not so much. But I have learned people are made up of lots of parts and no one part makes them who they are. It takes all the parts put together to make a whole person.
It can be confusing trying to figure out how the parts fit together, though!
Patricia's Place 
I like how you said that–confusing…to figure how the parts all fit together–much grace in your words.
Thank you, Ennle.
Welcome.
A long time ago there was a carpenter doing some renovations on our house. I jumped to the conclusion he probably had graduated from high school and wouldn’t be interested in intellectual things. How wrong I was! He was a school teacher doing carpentry during summer vacation, and he had more education than I did. I didn’t treat him any differently before and after I got to know him, but that’s when I learned that almost everybody has a great story line if you can get them to talk about themselves.
Wonderful that you got to know him. Seems even as he was plying his carpentry skills he was still teaching. And you were a good student. Winners all around.
Happy Monday, Patricia, and thank you for your timely stirring of the pot. I try not to be judgmental, however, I am not always successful. I have memories of being judged in the past with some not in my favor. However, my mother taught me that those so quick to judge others usually have lack of confidence in themselves and in her southern drawl told me to “rise up above it”. Another great quote from Maya Angelou – “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Your mother and Maya…wise women.
Yes,they were.
I once had a job within a group of four people. One of them took an instant dislike to me. This happened within my first two weeks. The supervisor asked me about it and I had no idea what I did or was doing that annoyed him as our work didn’t overlap. Neither did she. I worked there about 9 months and during the last month we had to work closely on something. After a margarita at a happy hour I found out that I remind him of his ex-wife and the divorce was bad. I’m nothing like her at all but something about my appearance and a few mannerisms was all he needed to make me miserable for 6 months. I determined I would never allow anyone to do that again. I had tried to confront him (non-aggressively) but he dodged me. I sure hope that he found peace and didn’t take his anger out on other short, slim blondes.
Bummer. I have had something similar happen. Not fun.
I try to be non judgmental but I’m not always successful. A post to set u all thinking, Patricia.
I doubt there is anyone on the planet who can say they are always non-judgmental.
I simply loved this, and it reminded me of a 12 Step slogan…what you think of me is none of my business. I too look nothing like I am. People think I’m this fancy, she was a model, regal girl from Connecticut, and yes, I was a model, but not a very successful one, my self-esteem was too low for the preening required. I do have a high end look to me in my thrift shop/J.Crew Factory wardrobe that’s all smoke and mirrors since I learned, if nothing else, in the fashion world, how to put myself together. And as far as The Nutmeg State is concerned, a perfect name for my family that may have worn Brooks Brothers knits and blue blazers, drank like pirates and treated each other that way, including knocking around their kids.
And I’m known to wake up at 3 a.m. in a terrified swoon worrying about, will I have enough money to live for the rest of my life.
Things are rarely what they seem, and I too, try to remember that when I’m facing someone who looks as if they have all the answers Loved this Patricia, as you can see. It evoked emotion and truth the way an essay should. 🙂
I wrote this after finding the quote and realizing I was unfairly judging someone because of his rather belligerent and nasty attitude. I know nothing about him except for a couple of times we exchanged a few words. That got me to thinking of a few others that I really don’t know but think I know who and what they are. So wrong of me! Trying to be better. Hard to unlearn lessons taught so long ago.
As for whether or not you are successful…you may not be “famous and a celebrity” but you still work. If you weren’t a good model you would be unemployed. Also, what we work at isn’t always what makes us successful but who we are at heart does.
I appreciate what you wrote. It’s hard to turn the other cheek when someone is rude. It happens in my life all the time, and yes, one tries to be open-minded since, you don’t know anyone’s full story. As far as my career goes, I really don’t work much anymore. It’s scary for me to be quite frank. Again, I appreciate your words, as always.
It’s a human trait to form a judgment before we know a person. A totally incorrect one at most times. We should avoid labeling and judging people and take them as they are. An insightful post.
I agree and you’re right, our first inclination is to take their inventory.
To quote Maya Angelou…”Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Friends of Patricia 🙂
A lovely quote.
A favorite of mine. Thanks.
My pleasure
You are so right about our tendency to judge without knowing anything. I guess we learn this from the example set by adults when we are children. Past time to break the cycle.